How I Would Do Things
So, in town the other day, we were discussing Orlando Bloom's total lack of acting skills, as you do. And when you discuss Orlando Bloom's lack of acting skills, you inevitably come to Legolas. And this got us saying, "Wait, it's not Orlando Bloom's fault, nobody could have played that part well". So I tried to picture just how would I, were I able to act perfectly, deliver those lines. And indeed, the part sucks, so no wonder he sucked in it.
So, in turn, I decided I could only criticise were I able to think of a better way to do things. Now, with my natural love of mocking the world, here is my top ten list of better things I would do, were I in charge of the world.
1) Burberry would be seen as the offical 'uniform of the enemy', and every soldier, police, citizen and dog would be encouraged to shoot on site anybody wearing it.
2) Robin Hood would replace St. George as Britian's hero. St. George wasn't British, and Robin Hood is so badass he can shoot an arrow out of the air with another arrow WHILE somehow being an animated bipedal fox. St. George just killed a non-existant monster. It's not hard to see who we should use.
3) Every place name in the world would begin with "Mc" to simplify travel guides. Once in use, instead of purchasing an "A-Z", you would just have to buy an "M", therefore saving valuable letters.
4) The word 'innit' would be likened to high treason, and anybody speaking it would be sentanced to jail. If the word 'beyz' is added on the end of 'innit', the punishment would be death.
5) Anybody who types and replaces letters with numbers would serve the consecutive sum of those numbers in years in jail. Therefore, if you type "1337", you will serve 1337 years in jail. I wish it could be longer, but it's the easiest system.
6) The international code of distress would be changed from "SOS" to "WE NEED THE MEGAZORD, NOW!".
7) No movie would ever be allowed to have the word 'versus' in it again (or anything similar). The only exception to this rule would be "The Three Musketeers versus Zorro", because, let's admit it, that would be a kickass sword fight.
8) Nintendo would offically become a deity.
9) Kenya's offical national anthem would be changed to the Kenya Song from Weeblstuff.
10) It would be illegal for people with large ginger afros to get drunk, ever. They would also be required to wear comical 80's sunglasses at all times.
And as such, I can now safely criticise the world. Thank you very much.
So, in turn, I decided I could only criticise were I able to think of a better way to do things. Now, with my natural love of mocking the world, here is my top ten list of better things I would do, were I in charge of the world.
1) Burberry would be seen as the offical 'uniform of the enemy', and every soldier, police, citizen and dog would be encouraged to shoot on site anybody wearing it.
2) Robin Hood would replace St. George as Britian's hero. St. George wasn't British, and Robin Hood is so badass he can shoot an arrow out of the air with another arrow WHILE somehow being an animated bipedal fox. St. George just killed a non-existant monster. It's not hard to see who we should use.
3) Every place name in the world would begin with "Mc" to simplify travel guides. Once in use, instead of purchasing an "A-Z", you would just have to buy an "M", therefore saving valuable letters.
4) The word 'innit' would be likened to high treason, and anybody speaking it would be sentanced to jail. If the word 'beyz' is added on the end of 'innit', the punishment would be death.
5) Anybody who types and replaces letters with numbers would serve the consecutive sum of those numbers in years in jail. Therefore, if you type "1337", you will serve 1337 years in jail. I wish it could be longer, but it's the easiest system.
6) The international code of distress would be changed from "SOS" to "WE NEED THE MEGAZORD, NOW!".
7) No movie would ever be allowed to have the word 'versus' in it again (or anything similar). The only exception to this rule would be "The Three Musketeers versus Zorro", because, let's admit it, that would be a kickass sword fight.
8) Nintendo would offically become a deity.
9) Kenya's offical national anthem would be changed to the Kenya Song from Weeblstuff.
10) It would be illegal for people with large ginger afros to get drunk, ever. They would also be required to wear comical 80's sunglasses at all times.
And as such, I can now safely criticise the world. Thank you very much.
posted by Li at 6:25 PM
6 Comments:
No comments huh? That's because everyone knows you need a WOMAN for this kinda stuff. Men just mess it up anyway.
Nobody commented because they were out voting for me as 'ruler of the world' after that =P
So true on the Robin Hood. So true. But I protest about having everywhere as Mc. Were not scottish nor McDonalds.
Another outburst of everything should be Mc I'll start calling you a heathen and then start calling you Scottish/American. You have been warned.
Well if you can think of something funnier to start every place name in the country with, then we'll go for that instead!
Jon; "The red sun is rising, blood has been spilt this night."
Could YOU pull THAT off? Didn't think so. =p
Maybe pull it off better than Bloom =P. But yes, it might not have been his fault. Which was the point.
Yeah, Robin Hood should be our hero.
Of course the Goverment needs overthrowing! And replacing with ME!
I mean, suuuuuuuuure, maybe I'd let the country rot, but at least when you're in severe danger, you could cry "We need the Megazord, now!". And if that's not the principle behind running a country, I don't want to know what is.
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