Why Does It Bother Me?

I've come to the conclusion of my problems with Uni. Now, as I've said before, like a lot of us, I am not overly emotional and I do not complain about my problems. But then I realised the reason.

You guys.

I'm not inhuman, like everybody, things bother me. I've been depressed more than once over these last few years, but then I spend five minutes with you lot, just one of you, or all of you, and my problems are gone. They don't bother me anymore. With you guys around, I'm immortal. Nothing can affect me. You guys make me far stronger than I could possibly be on my own.

Hence in my last blog saying 'don't bother giving a damn about me' or whatever I said. Between my family, who despite arguing with me all the time but are willing to do anything for me and you guys you make me smile just when I see you, I will always be fine. Nothing will ever effect me.

So, Uni. Problem.

I suddenly lose that. I realised I was losing the only thing that keeps me going. The only thing that keeps me from giving up and feeling down. At Uni, I will be petrified, no point in pretending I won't be. I've been scared before. Exam anxiety for example, but a quick conversation with you guys, and it's gone. I was scared about University the other day, but Cooper called on me, and we had one of the best days ever, my problem vanished in seconds (literally, by the time we'd passed the chinese outside my door I felt great). But this time, this time I'm going to be there, and I'm going to have to face it alone.

Hence: me being honest about my problems. I'm NOT dishonest. I'm not the type who always lies when I have a problem. I've mentioned a few worries once or twice. Psychology, I guess you could say I'm empathic, as long as everybody else is around feeling good, I feel good, and my problems go away. So this time, realising my support network will be gone, I'm afraid. That's the truth. That's the reason it bothers me.

Sure we'll have messenger, but somehow, it's always been comforting, even when we talk on messenger, knowing I can see you guys anytime. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to cope on my own, for once not being able to leech off you guys to make me feel better.

In other news, I just got home from a great night out with you lot. I'm tired, but Boote's blog made me want to blog. The night was great, another example of why you guys rule so much.

Oh, and yes, I am aware the 'I can't face it on my own' mentality I'm exhibiting is NOT the pinnacle of manliness. Pfft, what can I say? I left my masculine ego in my other trousers.