2007

Okay, so at this point in time, everybody does the traditional 'round up the year thing'. Well, it occured to me. It's now 2006. Next year is 2007. Doesn't that sound damn futuristic? You better believe it does! So what better off the ball thing to do than look into future and round up 2007 from a 2005 point of view.

2007. Well, the year starts off fairly dull, with only a new wave of innotive fashion being clothes made from silver foil sweeping the nation. These clothes somehow do something that makes them being silver worthwhile, because, you know, it's the future, and everybody wears silver in the future, according to old sci-fi shows.

What does this mean for us? Well, while Cooper rebels wearing his '04 jeans for jeans day T-Shirt, I finally end up looking like Ace Rimmer and Baird dyes his hair silver for charity, but it stays ginger just like it did before anyway.

February roles about and the flying car is invented, and somehow immediatly becomes popular so that we all feel we're finally living in the future. The good side of this is suddenly car insurance drops rapidely, and finally we can learn to drive the boring wheeled cars while everybody else flies about cheerfully. But we don't care. The roads are empty, unlike the skies that are truly now full (and ironically, taken from us, which is a kick in the nuts for us Firefly fans).

Flying cars and silver jumpsuits aside, life continues as normal, until more and more university applicants mean by March they deploy the flying car system to the Universities, and we end up with flying Uni's, freeing up more room on the now cheaper ground. However, transfers are unavailable, and soon the ground level becomes a pit of mutants who are repressed by those who live on the flying levels (whom we are lucky enough to be included between, having applied years earlier), like some really poor sci-fi plot. Luckily, we see what is going on, band together, and fight to change things in an epic adventre which ends with us defeating the evil John Prescott (who's taken over the goverment) who during the battle managed to sproute one wing and a swirly background, as well as some funky boss battle music, but we manage to defeat him and restore equality to the world.

Then in April we do a few exams, and I discover I like tuna sandwiches, in a shocking plot twist.

June of 2007 is relatively eventful, although we're all a bit tired from the tuna eating and exam doing, so when the source of the Roswell crash is revealed to be a giant evil crab all that happens is Pete says "Arr, it's a big crab like thing" and we continue our lives, until eventually it's taken down by the unlikely Mr Tombs.

The sixth formers finish school in July, but it is too late. Kiri hatches her evil plan of utilising those bands that go on our wrists she gave everybody to deliver electric shocks, disabling the world population and declaring herself Emperor. Then she realises what she said, and declares herself Empress instead.

Quickly the world of 2007 deteriates into your typical opressed sci-fi world, until a band of plucky rebels (yes, that's right, us, quite mysteriously including Kiri as well) and overthrow her by taking her photo, which upsets her enough to win.

Sadly, by August Lynde has used Kiri's former position of power and taken over the world for himself. We all thought that the jokes about Lynde trying to take over the world were just that, jokes, but wow, it all came true, and not only that, with his new outgoing personality he even laughed evilly, at least twice.

But it's okay, because when september ends we launch our first manned mission to Mars, with us on it, since we're kinda international heroes now. Thus we escape Lynde's evil domian only to run into deadly, lethal, evil aliens. A bit of investigation reveals they are in fact not Martians, but Plutoians on a holiday to Mars, thus any excitement over life on Mars is cut short.

Yet, there IS life on Mars. Only it's busy invading Earth. Earth is quickly dominated by alien forces as 2007 continues to spiral into the sci-fi world a year numbered '2007' should be. 'Course, we're on Mars, so we don't care.

That is until November rolls about and we go to do our futuristic Holiday (not Christmas, in the far flung future of 2007 you'll have to be politically correct) shopping, using the Quasi-Net, the new super internet linked between planets, but the deliveries don't arrive. We return to Earth discovering everybody has become mysterons. But we forgive them, because mysteron is an awesome word.

Of course, we quickly grow tired of living under their evil ways, because Holiday will be cancelled without them, so again we take up arms and plunge into an epic battle that tragically results in-

Opps. That goes into 2008, and that's a whole OTHER story.