Stupid Customer Comments: A Potential Book
Salesmen have a rough time. They have to sell a lot of crap and convince you it's a good idea. They have to be prepared to be treated like slime by everybody they meet and still try to convince you to take an insurance scheme or cover plan. But sometimes, just sometimes, a real gem from a customer brightens up their day...
***
A customer is buying a £49.99 telephone set.
Salesman: "Okay sir, we offer on that one an instant replacement. It's £9.99 and will cover you for three years, saying we'll do a straight swap for a brand new one if it breaks."
Customer: "No thanks, it'll be cheaper to buy a new phone."
Salesman: "The phone is £49.99, sir."
Customer: "Yeah."
Salesman: "The instant replacement is only ten pounds..."
Customer: "No, no. Not interested. It's still cheaper to just buy a new one."
Salesman: "..."
***
An old lady, and her middle aged daughter, are buying a small television set. The transaction is being put through on a computer monitor.
Old Lady: "Hold on! I thought the television was black!"
Salesman: "...I'm sorry?"
Daughter: "No, Mum, that's the computer monitor. That
Old Lady: "Oh, okay."
Salesman: "Right. I just need to take some-"
Old Lady: "Why's it gone blue!? I thought it was black!"
Daughter: "No, Mum, that's a computer monitor."
Old Lady: "But I want a black one!"
Daughter: "This isn't the one you're buying. It's over there. This is just the till."
Old Lady: "Oh, I see."
Salesman: "Right. Now, if I could-"
Old Lady: "Why's it gone blue!? I want a black one!"
The computer monitor is actually black.
***
Customer: Hi there. I'm looking for a mouse proof oven.
Salesman:
Customer: It's just, mice are getting into the bottom of my oven, and I need one they can't get into.
Salesman:
Customer: Well, can you think of a way to get them out?
Salesman:
Customer: Tell you what. Can you turn this one upside down so I can have a look at the bottom, see if the mice can get in.
(It is a large heavy gas oven that is not at all safe to turn upside down)
Salesman: Not as such ma'am, no...
***
Salesman: How can I help?
Elderly Customer: Well, the thing is, I'm looking to buy a laptop.
Salesman: Oh. Okay then, what type of thing are looking for?
Elderly Customer: Well, you see, my neighbours bought some half price ferry tickets on the internet, see, and I'd like to do that. See, we sometimes go on holiday using the ferry, and it'd be nice to get half price tickets.
Salesman: Okaaaay. Is that all you're looking to use it for?
Elderly Customer: Yes, just the tickets. Will that one go on the internet?
Salesman: Well, yes. Who's your internet provider?
Elderly Customer: Sorry?
Salesman: Internet provider.... (realising the problem) Are you connected to the internet?
Elderly Customer:
Salesman: ....Well, you need more than just a laptop for that. You'll need to sign up to an internet provider...
Elderly Customer: Oh. Will I? Well, there's instructions isn't there? Won't the laptop tell me how to do that?
Salesman: I tell you what sir, do you have any relatives who own a computer?
Elderly Customer: My son.
Salesman: Ask him to help you out, get you your tickets. You'll save a lot of money.... and I never thought I'd say that to a customer.
***
Salesman: Hi there, can I-
Angry Customer: Where are your TVs!? Don't tell me this is all you do! That's stupid! You should stock more TVs!!!
Salesman: Urm, they're upstairs sir...
Angry Customer: ....You have an upstairs?
***
Customer: Sony!
Salesman: Urrr.....
Customer: Don't just stand there, man! Tell me where it is!
Salesman: ...A Sony...what?
Customer: TELEVISON! Are you daft!?
Salesman:
Customer: Of course!
Salesman:
***
Elderly Lady:(Looking at a television playing a demo of the game Gran Turismo 5) Excuse me love, what channel is that on? I didn't know there was a race today.
***
Customer: Don't worry, I'll come back and give you the sale so you get comission.
Salesman: Oh, don't worry. We don't run on comission here.
Customer:
Salesman: No, we really don't...
Customer:
***
Salesman: Okay sir, now I just need to take-
Customer: Well, you should of taken out the insurance on it then.
***
A customer is buying a £49.99 telephone set.
Salesman: "Okay sir, we offer on that one an instant replacement. It's £9.99 and will cover you for three years, saying we'll do a straight swap for a brand new one if it breaks."
Customer: "No thanks, it'll be cheaper to buy a new phone."
Salesman: "The phone is £49.99, sir."
Customer: "Yeah."
Salesman: "The instant replacement is only ten pounds..."
Customer: "No, no. Not interested. It's still cheaper to just buy a new one."
Salesman: "..."
***
An old lady, and her middle aged daughter, are buying a small television set. The transaction is being put through on a computer monitor.
Old Lady: "Hold on! I thought the television was black!"
Salesman: "...I'm sorry?"
Daughter: "No, Mum, that's the computer monitor. That
Old Lady: "Oh, okay."
Salesman: "Right. I just need to take some-"
Old Lady: "Why's it gone blue!? I thought it was black!"
Daughter: "No, Mum, that's a computer monitor."
Old Lady: "But I want a black one!"
Daughter: "This isn't the one you're buying. It's over there. This is just the till."
Old Lady: "Oh, I see."
Salesman: "Right. Now, if I could-"
Old Lady: "Why's it gone blue!? I want a black one!"
The computer monitor is actually black.
***
Customer: Hi there. I'm looking for a mouse proof oven.
Salesman:
Customer: It's just, mice are getting into the bottom of my oven, and I need one they can't get into.
Salesman:
Customer: Well, can you think of a way to get them out?
Salesman:
Customer: Tell you what. Can you turn this one upside down so I can have a look at the bottom, see if the mice can get in.
***
Salesman: How can I help?
Elderly Customer: Well, the thing is, I'm looking to buy a laptop.
Salesman: Oh. Okay then, what type of thing are looking for?
Elderly Customer: Well, you see, my neighbours bought some half price ferry tickets on the internet, see, and I'd like to do that. See, we sometimes go on holiday using the ferry, and it'd be nice to get half price tickets.
Salesman: Okaaaay. Is that all you're looking to use it for?
Elderly Customer: Yes, just the tickets. Will that one go on the internet?
Salesman: Well, yes. Who's your internet provider?
Elderly Customer: Sorry?
Salesman: Internet provider.... (realising the problem) Are you connected to the internet?
Elderly Customer:
Salesman: ....Well, you need more than just a laptop for that. You'll need to sign up to an internet provider...
Elderly Customer: Oh. Will I? Well, there's instructions isn't there? Won't the laptop tell me how to do that?
Salesman:
Elderly Customer: My son.
Salesman: Ask him to help you out, get you your tickets. You'll save a lot of money.... and I never thought I'd say that to a customer.
***
Salesman: Hi there, can I-
Angry Customer: Where are your TVs!? Don't tell me this is all you do!
Salesman: Urm, they're upstairs sir...
Angry Customer: ....You have an upstairs?
***
Customer: Sony!
Salesman: Urrr.....
Customer: Don't just stand there, man! Tell me where it is!
Salesman: ...A Sony...what?
Customer: TELEVISON! Are you daft!?
Salesman:
Customer: Of course!
Salesman:
***
Elderly Lady:
***
Customer: Don't worry, I'll come back and give you the sale so you get comission.
Salesman: Oh, don't worry. We don't run on comission here.
Customer:
Salesman: No, we really don't...
Customer:
***
Salesman: Okay sir, now I just need to take-
Customer: Well, you should of taken out the insurance on it then.
posted by Li at 7:55 PM
4 Comments:
it really could be a good book! You could add in the time a man asked me my advice on.... girl's make-up sets, or the time a man weighed out tomatoes put them in the trolley took them to the till, watched me put them through and then exclaim: "Oh sorry, that was an accident, I don't want those."
I could indeed. I have to admit, in this example, they're all ones that just happened to me.
I remember one of my work mates telling me a hilarious one, and now I've totally forgotten what it was. Except I was laughing for about five minutes straight...
You don't live in Reading anymore.
This is true.
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