A Discovery!

Okay, second post today but I have something to say. I've discovered a nameless indivual's blog (I'm not certain she wants people to know she's keeping one yet). I've noticed something.

What's with all the angst people!? I swear, people's inner thoughts are always so depressing. Am I like that, seriously? I mean, I try to be as optimisitc as possible and ignore all this depressing crap, but to me its beginning to seem as if people are hunting for the bad things. I'm sure I could make my life sound really bad if I said all the things that bothered me in this blog, but I don't. I mean, I understand certain people are going through depressive times, and things are hard for them. I understand work, school and relationships are piling up. But there are plenty of good things in life as well.

I know understand in psychology how we were told humans weren't designed to cope with this kind of stress. I have the theory that humans were designed to exist as cavemen, and so we're not built to cope with stress from work, exams and relationships, we're built to cope with stress from fighting off wooly mammoths. And so, people become depressed and can't see the positive things. Like the fact that we're alive and we don't have to fight to STAY alive. Imagine if we were living in poverty in a third world country? With no food or water regurlaly, and more concerned about staying alive than passing a psychology exam or getting the girl. Yet, to us, this is so stressful its all people can often think about. Sometimes I wonder if people who are under so much stress can remember the world around them, because it gets so bad for them. And I can't to anything to help, which bothers me.

But probably not as much as me attempting to interfere. I talked to Holly earlier...today? Yesterday? I forget, about Cooper and her problems. And I couldn't help but get the feeling she wanted to tell me to shut the fuck up and let her deal with it. Don't other people find it really akward when you can't help others out, because that just makes them more stressed? I know I find it irritating.

So yeah, I'm at a loss. People around me seem really depressed and troubled and there's sod all I can do about it. I'm not doing that great myself, but my problems are small compared to theres. Plus I can hide it quite easily, so it bothers me less. In conclusion, I wish I could help out in some way, but I can't. On the bright side, it seems like most things could be resolved soon. Plus, I have a feeling when depressed everyone is warping everything negatively, and failing to see the positive side, which normally outweighs it anyway.

Holy shit, this feels like ONE long post.

One final note. Everyone goes for the same black colour scheme as well. How boring is that? Whine all you want in your blogs, but come on, be original with the layout!

End of the Month-Wow I noticed.

So today's the end of the month. I've actually noticed this which is interesting. Next month will probably suck. As did this one. Not much interesting goes on, so it's all good.

Somehow my toliet has been broken. Now to work the flush we need to fill a bucket of water and throw it in. Very random. Hopefully we can fix it rather than live with it. It's kinda wierd to have to lob a bucket of water in the loo every time you shit.

More Uni checkage and life affecting decisions to come this month. Sounds fun. I'm suddenly very nervous about my drama decision, I know its what I want to do, but I'm worried I'll get no career out of it and screw up my life somehow.

Which brings me onto my next point. The rest of my life. Lately I've been having this wierd feeling that I keep waiting for something, that the day I have some kind of adventure will come and I won't have to spend living out my life in the usual mundane way. Then I have to remind myself this is real life, and not a movie or book. Which sucks. But sometimes, for a second, I forget and find myself thinking "I can't wait 'til I have an adventure like that" before noticing that it'll never happen. Which is quite funny. Least I find it funny.

There was something else I was going to say. Or possibly something I was tempted to say and decided against. Or possibly something I was tempted to say and decided to. Whatever it was I can't remember it. So, to steal line from Cooper, perhaps we will find out......







TOMORROW!

Blogging Because Bored

Wow, a title with alliteration! (If that's not alliteration then DONT point it out, 'coz I still like to think I'm good at english). Ahem. I'm strangely bored. Normally right now I'd be working on Just Another Story, but reading it through and correcting mistakes isn't as fun as writing it. I posted it on a community Beth recommended to me and got a bit of feedback, although not much. So I need a new plan!

Lynde wants to make a movie, which is excellant because so do I. But we need an idea, a plot and the ability to film it. I like the idea of doing a trailer for a film that'll never exist because we could make it feel really epic and cool without actually having to do much. Lynde seems ok with that idea, as do the others. Now we just need some form of a plot for the trailer!

Now What?

...Soooo....Now what do I do? I finished Just Another Story. I've been looking back through it to edit, but I really need some opinions. I keep bugging Boote to read it, but he hasn't yet, and Cooper's far to busy I would imagine. Pete and Stu read a bit of it, so I can hopefully get some opinions of them, and they might even finish it. The problem I now face is the sad realisation that there's sod all I can do with it anyway, even once its improved. At 48 pages its too long for any short story compition, and to crap for anything else. Which is a shame, because I actually had a good feeling about this before I started writing it, but it seemed to go down hill when I realised I couldn't actually TELL the story that well.

So, now I'm bored again, having run out of things to do. I might finish editing this one and start on a sequel, its just for fun after all.

Writing a Climax is Fun

It's fairly ironic that Cooper's blog was him joking about being unable to tell us about a final battle when right at this moment that's exactly what I'm writing. I've reached the climax of Just Another Story, and am currently taking a break from writing the final duel to write this. A moderatly interesting twist of irony, I think.

However, now I face the question of "what will I do now?" since its obvious I'll be done with Just Another Story soon. I could spend some time editing it (good idea) or just start on a new story. Our joint story plan has fallen through due to a lack of free time on Cooper's part, so I don't have that to write. I'm tempted to do a Just Another Story sequel as there are plenty of stories I can still write following the same characters and adventures, but I don't know when I'll start that.

That's it for this entry, now to get back to finishing the story!

The On-going War Against Ad-ware

Well, I got back from Reading to discover my computer was full of some form of ad-ware. After using three seperate scanners to no avail I managed to track down their homepage and download some uninstalling software. What the hell was the point!? Seriously! Why infect my computer when you offer a way to uninstall it (Not that I don't appreciate it). It's REALLY annoying.

Ahem. Anyway, so yeah, Reading was cool. The Uni was great and course, although it didn't directly look as good as Exeter, sounded great because you could go into film OR theatre, both of which would be fun. I'm still slightly worried that I wont find a career out of it, but it's what I want to do for the rest of my life, so I might just take the risk.

A long car ride I discovered wasn't a good thing. I kept myself occupied spinning stories in my head for a while, trying to come up with a good way to make a sequel to my current story. Of course, eventually some pretty depressive thoughts crept in, but its probably alot better to keep those to myself. Hearing me whine isn't fun, and I don't enjoy it. I also don't like people knowing things that bother me. Normally because it won't bother me very often, meaning people can bring it up when I don't want them to and remind me of it. That and its very possibly confused thinking.

I'm also feeling very sorry for Cooper because of this whole Holly thing. (If you don't know what I'm on about, then stop reading because it'll be confusing). I've only got Cooper's viewpoint on it, so I can't see Holly's justification (this is Uden we're talking about for the dense readers that somehow know me and aren't random) but she, for lack of a better term, seems to just be fucking around with Steve, knowing (or at least THINKING she knows) that Steve'll wait for her to go out with him, meaning she can do what she wants in the mean time. It must be so depressing for Steve to see her behave like that, and there's nothing much any of us can do to help him. So Cooper, when you inevitably read this, good luck sorting everything out!

Just Another Story

The story I started writing a while back is worryingly getting close to an end. I always knew from when I set out that this story would be quite short, but I think it might be a little to short. I may only really be writing it for myself, but I like it to work for other readers, and currently I feel like the adventure will be over before it begins almost, which might ruin it for readers. Then again, it might work as a nice little adventure where you enjoy each chapter instead of having a large amount of padding. I don't want to add anything else so I'll probably finish it anyway, and then maybe I wont go back to it like I did the others. It's a shame. I actually like the plot, I feel the characters are more personal and the adventure is better than anything else I've written (that's not saying much), but I still don't think its turned out well. Perhaps I'm just not a writer, I dunno. I'll finish it, but I can't see much that I want to edit, this was a story that I had fully planned out before I started writing. I always knew the events and knew it would be short. Infact with its clear beginning, middle and end I might one day write a film script of it for a laugh. There's something I've never tried to do seriously (I have no idea how, but its worth a shot!)

What I was trying to say was...

So, I no longer am speaking like a pirate. What I was trying to say yesterday was that I now have my hands on quite a few prospectuses I was given, and have been looking at Drama courses. The best looking one is at a place named Royal Holloway, although fairly isolated (20 miles from London, but close to a small town) its drama course looks like the best I've seen, and they seem to organise enough to keep you occupied. If its as good as it sounds, it may become my first choice, but I need to got check it out.

Which brings me to a problem. Their open day is the 2nd October, and they're all the way up in London. Meaning I'd have to leave early. Why's that a problem? Because Mike Whetherell's party is the night before, meaning I probably can't go (and I was actually looking foward to it to). Damn.

In other news, today was Star Wars DVD day! I bought the old Star Wars movies on DVD and have just watched the original. I had actually forgotten just how much I love those films, their fantastic (and actually in good quality now!) Okay, so I just made out what a nerd I am, but I'm keeping a blog for chirstsakes, what did you expect?

It's Talk Like a Pirate day!

Arrr, I been getting me hands on prospectuses. I be considering only drama courses now, I been deciding English be boring and should be walking the plank, me hearties.

Me new first choice seems to be Royal Holloway, despite it bein' a land lubbin' boring place, it drama course look to be like no other. It be involving lots of stuff that makes it better than even Exeter, arr. It also less isolated than a desert island, which be good, because London be near! Meaning it not be as sucky as the watchman first claimed...aye!




Speaking like a pirate and talking about universities was harder than I thought...

Exeter

DAMMIT! This didn't post for some reason. ANYWAY, as I was saying, I went to Exeter and suffered a career turnabout. I wanna do drama. Alot. It looks SO Much fun. No more exams either, and they judge you on how you work as a team while there, you even have to do a two day workshop (that includes going out to get pissed at the night) to show what your like. That's right, you go out to the pub and clubs with older students to get the feeling for student life AT THE 'INTERVIEW'. And then the actual productions look FANTASTIC, even complete with (very poor) fencing photos on stage! Ok, so they can't stand en guard, but it looks fun. So yeah, I wanna do drama. There's more to why, like the 70% of students get into theatre in the first year, and my fav. theatre company originated from Exeter Uni. but that's not worth going into now.

I'm quite hyper about this. Yay.

Best...Advice.....Ever

Out of interest, Pete looked up "Agent" in the dictionary to see what "Beware of agents" could mean if it wasn't so direct 'coz we were talking about it. It means "something or someone that acts". Meaning my advice, from my spirit guide is "Beware of someone or something that acts"....BEST......ADVICE.....EVER....

Dream Continued

I had no ideas, and Cooper mentioned dream journals. I just started mine. I had been forgetting. For the record, you don't get to see it, my dreams are not that great to be explained. Although, my last one I will, a bit, because it's funny. Basically, I was reading a website about Lucid Dreaming (I think I mentioned this), and it suggested, if you're ever aware of your dreams try calling fourth your spirit guide. I realised I was dreaming and tried this. I met a floating grey cube in a black void (complete with scrolling matrix code in the background). What the hell? Anyway, I decided (for some reason) to ask: "What is my destiny?" It gave me six clues, printed on each side of the cube. I've decided my Spirit Guide was mocking me. I only remember three: "Go into the fire" (no thanks), "You'll die furfilling your destiny," (Oh, good!) and "Beware of Agents" (Dammit spirit guide, stop looking at the background and pay attention!). VERY wierd. It seems destiny mocks me.

Or it was a crazy fucked up dream. Ya know, either way its funny. Go Grey Cube Spirit Guide!

I'm a Very Boring Person

So, today it occured to me that I was a very boring person. Bet you never saw that coming from the title. Anyway, Cooper and Baird where discussing something (how many times does Cooper get mentioned in this blog compared to everyone else?), but Baird wouldn't tell Cooper something. And it occured to me that I was very boring. I had no secrets or anything, and never really had an 'in-depth' talk (or depressing talks as they called it) about random things. So I found myself asking why? I was probably fortunate, not having anything to complain about, but I was wrong (I think). I can't figure it out. There are three options, a) I don't like talking about the things that bother me, b) I'm embarressed by some of the things that bother me, c) I'm not bothered. Which one is it? I don't know! Which is fairly unbeliviable, but sometimes things bug me and sometimes I feel fine. Either way I talk about them very little, namely due to a lack of getting drunk and thus being depressed. Which is probably a good thing, who wants to hear me moan, after all?

In other news, I continue to be impressed by the Lee song by Tenacious D. I'm impressed. I have my own song. It's cool.

Dreams

Okay, I have a new plan. One I've been meaning to do for a while, keep a dream journal. No matter how wierd or disturbed my dreams are (one the other day involved the internet being a city where people were hung on coat hangers and run along overhead monorail lines) I'll write them down somewhere. The overall plan, learn to take control of dreams more often. I've done it three or four times and its great fun, having the ability to do whatever you want. I read a few websites about it, it's called Lucid Dreaming, and they all suggest keeping a journal at first! So I'll get to it next time I dream! TALLY HO!

That's the first time I think in the history of ever I've typed "tally ho"....wow.

Damn, I'm Tired

Okay, I'm tired for some reason. STILL. Despite sleeping, that I've heard (from random sources) cures that affliction. They were apprantly wrong.

However, I'm feeling (apart from afformentioned tiredness) fine so I don't have anything to whine about. Which makes unusually short blogs.

Why don't people ever write about the good things? Like the fact I have the whole morning off (yay), start drama tonight again (yay?) which is a fun comedy play, and....I had one more. I've forgotten it. Well, I have a biscuit in my mouth right now, I blame that. Although its ok, I like biscuits, so that's good. In conclusion: Sleep solves problems. Except tiredness. Someone tell scientists they're wrong about that one.

A Strange Feeling

It's not very obvious, but I try really hard to not be stereotypical in these blogs. I try my best not to be your average whiny teenager (and fail more often than not). Unfortunatly tonight, I'm gonna fail once more. Because for some reason I feel really...lonely.

Why? I have NO idea. Everyone's the same and as cool as ever, but for some reason I'm feeling lonely. Probably be gone by tomorrow. I'm trying my best to think of a reason for it, but can't. Maybe it's because two of the people I talked to tonight were talking about relationships (even if they don't have them) so it made me suddenly feel very lonely for not even having a chance. Or maybe I'm a loser who likes to whine. Or maybe I'm so tired I'm making blogs about things I'll regret tomorrow. I'll regret everybody knows I felt this way, because I like trying to appear as if I'm not often feeling really 'down' (I fail miserably, by the way, but I try). For the record, I'm not often down anyway, I'm just not a very "happiness" expressing person.

Right, that's enough angst. The conclusion is: I'm feeling lonely for reasons unknown. The solution is: ignore me 'til tomorrow when it'll be gone.

I hereby apologise for the stereotypical whining tone of this blog.

Bak 2 Skool!

Yeah, forgive the lack of grammer in the title. So we're all back at school, which is interesting, though not largely fun. The work this year is gonna be hard, I can see it, but it's great seeing everybody again. Holly Uden seems to be joining in with us lot alot more and being alot friendlier, either I didn't notice last year (probably) or some of her year 13 friends left so she's hanging out with us more. In other news, I discovered I can't spell excellant...that's not right, is it? Excellent....that's more like it...I think. Note to self: Don't use that word in an english exam. There was something else as boring as the rest I was gonna write, but I've forgotten it.

Completely.

Not coming back.

Look, I told you, it's not coming back, so stop reading.

See?

Told ya so?

You still here?

Ok, so this isn't funny.

It's keeping me amused!

Fine.....

Yeah, this can be the end of this post....










OR WILL IT? MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(NOTE TO SELF: Don't make blogs when bored).

Joint Story Writing

Well this should be interesting, me and Cooper are gonna try and write a story with no conferring, taking turns on the chapters. We're currently considering doing a stylistic thing where each of us takes a character, a usual thing, or just letting it go to hell. I've gotta do the first chapter so I gotta invent at least one character, I'll probably introduce two completely random ones.

Two stories at once now. Three really, but one I ain't touched in ages. Should be interesting.

My blogs appear to be getting shorter. And less frequent. That's a bad sign, right? Or a good one?

Only smarties have the answer...