An Interesting Loss of Drive

I've strangely lost my ability to work. Not work at Argos, not work at school, I'm fine when doing that, but any homework I don't seem to have the drive to do anymore. I've been noticing it alot but never bothered blogging about it. But kinda ran outta stuff to speak about. I started my Theatre Studies essay at 1.00 today, it's now 8.15. I've done bout 3/4's of a page. I'm finding it really difficult in general to write for TS especially, I was doing better than this last year with no revision and no practice. Which is bad, because I want to continue it at Uni. I can't quite figure out why I'm finding it so hard to work, but I am. I've been forcing myself to stay up late at the last minute to get work done because no matter how hard I try, I just can't get it done unless it takes forever, or I do it really badly. I forsee two explanations; either this work is really hard so it's difficult to do, or I've grown so lazy that when there are other distractions I just can't work. Hopefully its the second so I can snap out of it, but it's probably the first, because although in school I could write these essays, I'd imagine I'd find it just as hard.

Hell, I couldn't even come up with an interesting title for this blog! And it's only serving as a distraction for me because I just can't concentrate on my work. I've noticed my grades going down in all homework really, and am dreading how my english coursework turned out, because I'm not satisfied with it but just couldn't come up with the ideas to work on it. I've got a feeling I've let myself down on the one thing I could have done really well.

I'm actually okay otherwise, just beginning to get a bit worried I'm gonna flunk this year because I've lost my attitude to work completely. I do the work, and still never miss a deadline (well unless I forget which has happened once or twice, more than usual!), but I just can't do it half as well as I used to, and I'm sure it's not just because the work has gotten harder, because I can't even slip into my old Year 12 way of writing about a performance for a play in TS or my old way of writing about psychology.

What's worse is there's no reason why. At all. Even when I sit down and do it it turns out shit. Sadly I think this is gonna be one of those posts where people just think "Well that sucks, but there's nothing we can do" which is the problem. What the hell can be done? It kinda reminds me of me and Chemistry last year. At least I passed which is a good omen!

At least everything else is okay. It's not the end of the world! I mean, Baird's parents are possibly gonna split up and I'm worried about school grades! It kinda pales in comparision. It's the one thing I (in a strange way) always find comfort in, things can always get worse. I'm actually pretty lucky. Now, back to this dammed TS essay!

It's Been Less Time Than it Feels

I feel like haven't posted on here in ages, but at most it's been a couple of days. It's Sunday and I have two essays to do. Stupid leaving work to the last minute. The problem is, I, in my amazing wisdom, have lost the sheet with BOTH essay questions on. Meaning I can't actually do the essays. So, unless I can find them, I'm screwed.

In other news, my bro's bogged off back to Lancaster, which gives me a bit more freedom, which is good. And through some miracle, I'm STILL tired. I blame The Shining which I accidently ended up watching last night.

I also have to start work next weekend, and still haven't sorted out my university choices. I've gotta do all this very soon, am losing free time and generally finding it slightly stressful. I'm kinda finding it hard to pick two more random university's from the whole country for my list, and still ain't even sure if Drama is what I should be doing. I know it's what I want to do, but I'm not very good at it and not certain I should be doing it.

Mind you, I'm pretty certain by the way the Americian elections are going Bush will be back in power, and once he is I doubt the world will survive long enough for me to care anyway...

Workin, workin'....

So first day of work today. Spent it 11-5 on tills not knowing what I was doing. Was fun.

Well it wasn't. I'm shattered from lack of sleep, losing sleep from Monday, losing sleep last night because of combined job worry other people having problems worry, and am now very very tired.

Work's very complicated. The amount of variety we deal with is hard to understand, and I'm still not fully trained. Niether is anyone I'm with. But we're done for 'training' tills, next time we just jump right in with no help!!! I ain't lookin' foward to it.

So I found out that Coop's wasn't exactly happy bout Monday being screwed up. It's perfectly understandable. And quite dull to comment on, so I'll leave it to them to explain the situation beyond my blog!

The Ultimate Third Wheel

So, last night was Coop's 18th birthday party. Which rocked. We all had a great time (well apart from random girl who spent the night in tears). There was helluva turn out as well, I didn't know half of the people there! Also: I discovered I suck at Fusball.

Anyway, it was at about 4.00 in the morning when something went wrong. Holly U had one of her depression sprouts, I suppose you could call it an an anxiety attack. I wasn't around at this point, and Coop's and her and gone upstairs to the room at the top where nobody really went (so you can guess why we thought they had left). Anyway, later on I ran into Cooper when he came downstairs and asked where Hol was coz I was after my little badge thing off my T-shirt she nabbed. So, I went up and found her shaking and feeling really bad. She'd told me bout the spells of feeling like this but I'd never seen her like it!

I comforted her for a bit ('coz Cooper had to go and kick everybody out), but didn't do very well. Possibly because there was a distraction where I was lifting a chair off a garage roof after Sam put it there out the window. Did my back in doing that as well. Of course, it's also possible that it's REALLY hard to cheer up someone when they become depressed like that. Luckily, Cooper saved the day when he came back and gave her chocolates, and somehow some jokes 'bout chocolates came out and she cheered up. Chocolates really can solve all of life's problems.

There's kinda a scene missing here. I went downstairs, actually waiting to get my jumper back off Hol before I left (she asked to borrow it after it became freezing when Sam opened the window). Anyway, I musta missed something 'coz Cooper disappeared in a bad mood. I discovered Hol was leaving at some point as well, so I thought I had better wait for her so she had someone to walk home with. (At 5.00 I could hardly let her walk home alone! Eventually she got a taxi from the pub outside my house anyway. So really she kept me company walking home, which I'm grateful for!) When we found Cooper though, he seemed pissed off at her, and wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Very strange.

Anyway, I kinda ended up feeling like the world's ultimate third wheel, when I was in these random situations with the two of them, being great mates with both, and kinda feeling like I should leave but not wanting to. It was strange and unpleasant. Being a third wheel is not fun.

Grudgematch: 80's TV vs Modern TV

Okay, so it's not quite a new month, but I felt like doing this one. It's no secret that I'm a huge fan of 80's television, I think it rocks. However, what is slightly less well known is it's not only because its hilariously funny at times...

The thing I discovered about 80's TV is it's so much more innocent than modern day TV. Today you get the obvious swearing, you get the violence and are always gripped with dramatic tragedy. TV in the 80's was fun. It really didn't care about common sense and explanations, you want a car to talk; fine! You want to make a rocket launcher out of a bed and Mr T's belt buckle; Done! Let's have another episode where they face their evil twin; Okay, so that one's still hilarous. The point is, they never cared about explaining or making to much sense, they just existed for fun. Rarely would an episode suprise you, the A-team was so formaliac it was quite funny. It would go "Car Chase, Someone needs help, They help, Have fist/gun fight, blow some shit up, have a car chase, the end." pretty much every time. Fantastic or what!?

You can also see the innocent thing on other levels to. I'm actually gonna draw a parellel to LOTR's here. The one joke that really makes Knight Rider funny is the whole "KITT and Michael are gay" thing which makes it so laughable to watch. But it's the same as Sam and Frodo, it shows an old friendship which we no longer understand because of our own paranoia. An old buddy style relationship we can no longer understand, and sure, the jokes are hilarious (no offence to any gays out there, but being gay with your car is a pretty hilarious idea) but it also supports my theory that we've lost the innocence in our modern culture. Hell, it's the same with everything needing to be explained. They stuffed that in old TV shows as well, "Why did the evil KITT explode when it fell off a cliff but now it's back?" Who cares, if you have fun watching it? Imagine them doing that today!

What do we get on most modern TV? Slow paced dramas and so called 'intelligent' plot lines. Intelligent plot lines!? Who wants intelligent plot lines!? Seeing KITT and David Hasselhoff square off with David Hasselhoff in a fake moustache and giant truck is far funnier, and more fun! And at the end of the day, I'll take fun TV over dramatic TV anyday! Even if it's so cheesy its funny, I actually ENJOY the shows beyond the cheesy funniness, which not many people realise.

So in conclusion: Modern TV trips over before it reaches the ring and breaks it's own leg. During attempting recovery, it shoots itself in the foot. 80's TV wins by default.

That Was Fun

Well last night was great I decided. Seeing Lynde drunk and singing was priceless, and we all had alot of fun anyway. I even danced! If you had asked me before I went out if I would dance, I would never of said I would! But I did! And I wasn't even drunk (lightened up from a Stella, but not drunk). But yeah, I really enjoyed it and had a great time. Need to go out more often, which with a job will become suddenly far more possible. Gotta love what money can do for ya.

That's about all I have to say for now!

Goin' Out

So yeah, I'm going out tonight. Not a big deal for most, but I dont drink and never go out, so this should be interesting. The thing is, I'm not certain I wanna go. I did when asked, and when I said I'd go last week I really meant it. Unfortunatly, I'm not feeling in to greater mood right now, still feelin' guilty bout upsettin' Hol (even thought she forgave me, I was still the one who upset her and feel really bad about it). Of course, when you're feeling guilty for something it's harder to enjoy yourself. Hopefully I can ignore that and have a good time, I know she doesn't care I upset her, but I still do. It's not whether you're forgiven or not, it's that you caused someone to be upset, and nothing will change that. Suppose that's part of life, we all make mistakes. Doesn't mean I'll feel any better about it.

In a change of tone I saw AVP today, and actually enjoyed it. I was prepared to see it suck, but I actually found it quite enjoyable. The Aliens kicked as much ass as they should, not becoming the Predator's whipping boys. But there were many flaws, firstly, several base rules were thrown out the window established in the previous movies, making MANY flaws. I've read claims it was meant to exist outside the other movies, but this was obviously rubbish as there were many links to the Alien films. Yet it still ignored rules like the fact the aliens bred so much faster than in the old movies it was ridiculous (everyone remembers the dinner scene from Alien, they just chest burst straight away), all Predator's had to be marked like hunters but weren't in the old films, there was no reason for the Pred's to hunt humans and so on. But by far the biggest flaw, and the nail in the coffin for the 'stand-alone' idea was that if you hadn't seen Aliens or Predator you simply wouldn't know what was going on most of the time. The predator's are pretty much summed up as 'hunters' and that's it, and aliens are just called 'serpents'. Hell, they appear to bred on Earth, to a movie goer who had no idea they wouldn't be able to tell they were aliens!

In fact, I'd go as far to say that a movie goer who had seen niether franchise would think the Predators were the 'Alien' referred to in the title, and that the Aliens were the 'Predator' because it seems like it. BUT it was still an enjoyable flick if you like the movies. You get a nice long scene of a Predator and Alien going at it as well, with the winner not being who you would expect! And that's in the middle of the movie. It's like a little treat for the fans apart from the plot (which wasn't to great and pretty obvious throughout). But all in all, I'd give it about 7/10, and would watch it again if I got the oppurtunity.

Ah crap...

Once again the reality of saying the wrong things hits me hard in the face....like a punch....to the face (Ok, I'm tired and crap with metaphors). I seemed to have upset Hol when being sarcastic on messenger. Obviously she couldn't catch the sarcasm (it really wasn't very obvious, so I don't blame her). Coop's has booked her into the doctor's apprantly, so at least she can get it sorted out, but I feel like shit for what I said. I can't even believe I said anything. I must of seemed like the biggest asshole in the world. So Hol, when you read this, I want you to realise how sorry I am! Please!

If you knew how bad I felt about this, you'd realise how sorry I am! I never want to upset a friend, and I did it at the worse possible time to one of the nicest people I know. It's an odd feeling when you hurt a friend, I just wanna turn off and wake back up when everything's ok again. And Hol, I hope you can accept my apology because it was 100% my fault, and I was really mean when all you were looking for was support. I really hope you can forgive me!

(TO FIND OUT WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT, LOOK AT HOLLY'S BLOG)

A Good Day!

I apologise okay? I know you don't read blogs to hear about good days, they're always about angst and how much life sucks. I'm not gonna start ranting 'bout that again, because I always do. Basically, today worked out really well.

Some things minor, some things fairly major. An example of minor things....got to play a demo of the Knight Rider game! (I mean...come on...getting to drive virtual KITT= cool). Unfortunatly it sucked ass, but at least I got to play it (via the ancient art of downloading it!). Then psychology was a great laugh because I kept getting told to shut up by Mrs Hewes when someone else would ask me something to......hilarious consequences! Yeah, I guess you had to be there. Then I went in town for my job interview/assesment thing, in which I got on pretty well with most people and found kinda fun, much better than a usual interview 'coz there was a group of us doung team work activites and things. This led to a pretty major thing....

I HAVE A JOB! Just got off the phone with Argos and I have a job and start tomorrow! That was a bit quick! The pay is £4.40 an hour to which is pretty good, and it's weekend only (contracted for 31/2 hours a day) which is pretty much pefect. So my great job hunt has come to an end!

And to top off this good day, I found a copy of Phantasy Star for the Gamecube FINALLY after me Boote Pete n Marc have searched for ages so we can do four player co-op. All in all a pretty good day!

I couldn't moan if I tried! (That's a lie. I could. But ain't gonna!) WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Interesting Thing I Discovered

So, we were sat around in the common room (this being me, Baird and Hol), and I ended up making some joke, sarcastically insulting the others (in such a way, I thought it was perfectly clear it was a joke). When Holly asked why nobody was sat next to her, I replied "That's because nobody likes you....and you're stupid...and you smell funny....and you're a screw up....yeah you're both screw ups!" Obviously joking. Anyway, Hol laughed quite a bit, obviously understanding, but Baird suddenly cries out to me about how offended he is and how he didn't deserve that comment!

I explain to him how it's a joke, and me being overly sarcastic. He tells me I sound too serious all the time. I ponder this.

The End. I 'twas a mini adventure!

Ahem. Well, story time's over. But it made me think, maybe it's about time I started sounding a bit more sarcastic. For someone who wants to be an actor in their dream job I suck at varying my voice, and I could probably offend quite a few people if they didn't realise I was being sarcastic! So, I need to work on sounding sarcastic. Or just shout "THE NEXT/PREVIOUS STATEMENT IS SARCASTIC" before/after saying each statement. Which could lead to....

yep, you've guessed it!

....Hilarious consequences...

So No One Told You Life Was Going to Be This Way...

So Boote was mocking me again...which is....really not that unusual. But I found it quite funny that it came in his blog after how to be a good friend. I think that making up stories to piss off your mates isn't the best way to be a good friend :P

Ahem. Now I've defended myself, I'm going to make up a story about Boote. Well, I would, but that would just be mean. I was tempted to post that Boote had died, inspired by a certain episode of a certain TV show (guess which from the title). However, I decided that would be really morbid and quite disturbing, so didn't! (See, I'm not a total sicko!). Plus his existance and not being deadness woulda ruined it!

So on the topic of friends, I don't think there's anyway you can define what makes a good friend. I mean, me and Boote are good friends, and you've just seen how we're always mocking each other, and pulling off jokes and such. It's not exactly what you think would make an ideal friend. We never sit back and say how great are friends are or anything (Occasionally, we'll say 'we've got a great group of friends' in a blog or something) yet we're still all great mates and we all know this. So if you look at it, it doesn't seem like we would be, but we are! Which is kinda random, but true. Because that's how friendship works! You don't tell your mates how great they are because that would be stupid, but because you also all know how much you appreciate each other!

And so, I won't kill Boote because he's my friend. And dropping an anvil on his head might be difficult.

The Truth Is Out There

With my rekindled interest in ghosts, I've been looking through mutiple ghost sites. This has been getting me interested. Apprantly, 1 in 14 people in England claim to have seen a ghost. For the sake of argument, if we say half of them were lying, that's 1 in 28. We say half of those people were mistaken, that's 1 in 56. That's still helluva lot of people out of the population of England to have seen a ghost! So what the hell are we seeing?

Maybe ghosts don't exist, or if they do, maybe they aren't ghosts, there something else. The big question is, just what are they. Denying they exist at all is a, frankly, stupid thing to do, because of the amount of people who would have seen something. Could it be some deep laid psychological process? I don't know. There are pictures as well, but I won't go into those. But to me, it's something I really hope is explained, somehow, one day, because the more I look into it, the more it's the kind of thing I can't ignore.

Which got me thinking. In a conversation the other night between me and Holly, we jokingly bought up Aliens, and why they never abduct anybody worth abducting! Well, I started thinking that this might not be true, and that maybe they are as popular as ghosts in the sightings, and even if they ain't, well, it's still helluva lot of people claiming they've seen UFO's. Can we ignore those as well? Are they caused by the same thing that causes people to see ghosts? I don't know.

But the truth is out there...


(Yeah, this blog was dedicated to Holly after our last discussion about this, and after she started calling me 'Mulder'. Whatcha think now, Scully :P)

Who Ya Gonna Call!?

It's funny looking back on my life thinking how insane some of the stuff I do can be. One thing I think I told most people, but isn't believed for many reasons, is the time I'm convinced I saw a ghost.

Now before you a) think I'm a liar b) think I'm nuts c) think I'm mistaken or d) tell me to shut up because you've heard this story before, just read the rest of this. As far as I know, it was year 8 when me and Marc saw a wierd shadowy thing down the woods appear from nowhere, a silloette of a man. We both saw it; that's why I was so convinced.

But then I began to think about myself personally, before I saw that I NEVER believed in anything unless it had scietific proof. Hell, my favourite show was Star Trek, that showed what a science nerd I was. If something didn't have a logical explanation, I didn't want to believe in it.

But now I'm pretty much the opposite, I hate to have things explained scientifically, and I hate limiting myself to what we know. I'm obsessed by the ideas of paranormal things out there, and that the world isn't all it seemed. And the more I think about it, the more I'm conviced that it was all due to that ghost. Even my shift from a sci-fi fan to a fan of the fantasy genre was because of that. I hate most sci-fi now! (I don't count Star Wars and sci-fi, it's a fantasy in space!).

So, what I saw I can't be sure of, but it sure as hell changed me. So when Boote suggested we try going Ghost Hunting down the same wood that I saw this, I couldn't really say no. I mean, hell, apprantly a kid was murdered down there, which sure makes it seem a likely place for a ghost. So we're gonna take a camera and go down there at night sometime to take pics and see what we find....should be interesting.

If we succeed, we're gonna have to form Ghostbusters UK!!!

Okay, that's a bad idea...

...Yeah...I Failed to Think of a Title

Well, I was gonna yack on about something or other, but currently just wanna kill Boote (read the last line of his blog to see why). I even get mocked in his blogs V_V.

Anyway. Off the topic of the brutal beating that awaits Boote....I'm extremely tired. I seemed to be suffering from extreme insomnia last night....I couldn't sleep at all and when I did I woke up at 7.00 in the morning, and couldn't sleep again because I couldn't wake up.

Now Boote says he's not angsty enough to keep a blog. Get insommnia. By about the fifth hour of laying awake, you start to think of things to be angsty about. Then write them down and POW! You have a regular blog.

Ahem. Now I'm dreading waking up tomorrow, because I'm sure I won't be able to! I'm gonna be so tired tomorrow I'm just gonna sleep my way through psychology I think. We can't even persuade Miss Hewes into drawing more comical celebreties (we have now had pictures of David Hasselhoof and Avril Lavine on our board at some point, pointing out their comical features) because Mr Tombs is our teacher! Disappointing...

So sleep it is then. And possibly the ton of work I have to do. Shit.

And I still haven't got any job offers! God dammit!

I've also started a sprite comic just for a laugh. It sucks. But it keeps me occupied so I don't mind.

And that's pretty much all I have to say. I would end with a witty insult to Boote, but a) I'm not witty and b) He'd shrug it off. The bastard.

A Blog on Another Blog

Well, last night we all went out to Riley's, and it was one of the best times I've had in a long time. We all had a really good time, as well as a few laughs. I was pretty much the laughing stock with my lack of ability at pool, but it was still fun!

I also read Holly's blog, which was about Riley's. Seems she had alot of fun as well. But Holly, if ya reading this, you don't need to get us to accept you as you, we were friends with you long before you were going out with Steve, it means we accept you far past just being his girlfriend...

It seems in Cooper's blog he's finding it hard to be apart from Holly, but hell, she's his girlfriend, and it just shows how much he likes her. Personally I think it'll get easier, and I think it's a good sign of how well things are going for them. And Coop's, we don't think you're ungrateful, I think your just so happy with her around your a bit confused without her.

My blogs are still getting shorter. Sooner or later, they wont exist! DUM DUM DUM!

Damn I'm Tired

I'm tired. But can blame it on Theatre Studies. Having been set more homework than God (debatable, but possible) I was forced to stay up til the early hours of this morning to get it done. Then wake up in the still quite early hours to hand the dammed work in. Which makes me very very tired.

In other news...Superman died. Well, Christopher Reeves. Which is a shame, he was a good person, unlike many famous stars, having promoted much research for spinal treatement and things (admitingly after he broke his own back horse riding). He also seemed very unlucky, suffering from a broken back and now a cardiac arrest. It's always a shame when you hear about things like that happening...

In other other news, MSN continues to screw the world. After the strange mystery of messenger last night going beserk and not allowing half the people to comminicate, now messenger has just gone down again. Our community has lost all its messages as well. MSN seem to be very confused right now. I wonder if there's some big problem over there or something...

Or whether evil elite hackers have hacked in to the mainframe in a sinister plot to make us all go outside!

Nah, that's not too likely...

Job Hunting!

I just got back from town, on my ever difficult quest to get a job. I still appear to be failing, but quite a few places said they were taking on so hopefully this time I'll get some form of a reply! However, I've learnt there's a large gap between what hopefully happens and what does happen.

I've also got incredibly large amounts of work to do for Theatre Studies, and quite a bit for English. Fuck. Who would of thought A-levels required work, huh?

In other news: It's cold. Very cold. It's like God suddenly remembered it was meant to be winter, and so changed the weather accordingly. Would it really have hurt to leave it on 'sunny' for a few more days!?

Not a very interesting post really...

Avoiding Being Broken

So I decided to not go to Ju Jitsu due to large amounts of pain. That's five weeks since I last went! FIVE! This is getting ridiculous, although it's probably better than actually being badly hurt like I would of if I went today and being put out for another five weeks. Still, it's kinda a shame to be missing it.

I'm also gonna go job hunting today. I'm gonna print off as many CVs as I can and go into town handing out as many as possible. Hopefully, this being the X-mas season and all, I can get a job, and thus: Money. Which I need if going to University. Hopefully I'll succeed, but I've got a feeling I wont.

When did I become such a defeatist?

Anyway. The point is I'm gonna try. Somewhere out there must need me for something, if I can make a good impression somehow. If not, I'll just open a black market in school, selling unhealthy food since they've taken all our food away and replaced it with healthy eating machines.

Cooper and Hol sound to be getting on really well, which I'm really glad to hear. I think it's the kinda 'stress relief' Cooper could really use right now with his Cambridge application and everything, so it must be nice to have something going right. Same goes for Holly, really.

My return to fencing last night was great fun. I ended up hurting myself somehow, but it was fun. Also found out all the Uni's I've considered have fencing clubs! Which is good!

To Be or Not To Be!

So I saw Hamlet and had to put that as a title. I can't claim to write anything related to it at all.

I'm suprised. I enjoyed Hamlet....a Shakespeare play! It was faaaaaaaaaaaaaar too long, but the acting was good and it was quite enjoyable. And I could have totally taken Hamlet in a sword fight.

Speaking of sword fights...I return to fencing after months, one session after Summer doesn't count as there wasn't enough kit for me to actually fence! I'm really looking foward to it....I've got a feeling my little skill I had is all gone after this longer break, but I still look foward to it.

A post on fencing...that would have suited the 'one for all and all for one" title better...

Ju Jitsu tomorrow I'm less confident about, my back's still screwed and I'm afraid I'm gonna do it in. I need to go, but be sensible. No training with Pete (sorry Pete :P), and no stupid throws. If I overdo it I need to sit out. Damn, being sensible is less fun!

I also need to hunt for a job tomorrow. I NEED one to put on my application to Uni if nothing else. Somewhere out there had better be offering...

Grudgematch II: Grudgematch's Revenge

Some of you might remember a while ago I did a grudgematch....Computer Games vs Real Life. Well, out of boredom, this time I'm going for another one. A bigger one.

Science VS. Religion!

AND IN THE RED CORNER...

Science: Why do we follow science? It's REALLY bleak, but possibly accurate which is worrying. To science, we are just machines, by products of evolution the way I see it. We have soul, no heaven, no hell and no higher purpose. Our minds have developed the way they have for one reason, so that the human race may continue. Everything is geared towards us living onwards. When you die, you just die. You don't go anywhere and you're soul certainly doesn't live on, you cease to be. The nuerons firing in your brain (or whatever it is) defines exactly who and what you are, and your enviroment purely affects the development of these. At the end of the day, we're souless automns living out a life that is without any higher purpose than to allow the next generation to live on the same souless life.

AND IN THE BLUE CORNER...

Religion: Religion's in general give us something to look foward to, a feeling of something to look up to (you all know this anyway). We have a soul, maybe even a destiny and certainly something better waiting for us. We know that when we die, and provided we've lead a good life, we'll go into our afterlife and be rewarded. We feel a God or Gods are there to look down on us and protect us, guide us and be there for us when we have nobody else to speak to.

Which one would I choose!?
Well, when you lay them out like that, it seems fairly obvious.

Religion KO's Science in the second round for a fairly easy victory.

Maybe I'm biased against science, and I'm not hugely religious, but I like to believe in a God to give someone for me to pray to when things are going wrong, or someone to talk to when I can't speak to anyone else. Maybe in my heart I believe that she (I made a point of calling God 'she' because nobody else does.....random but I do!) doesn't really exist, but it's nice to take comfort in it. And so it's confirmed...

Science sucks. Up with religion! This also proves that maybe it's not always best to believe in the most feasable answer, after all, science seems more likely than there being some all powerful being guiding us, but it's less comfortable to believe that. I mean, hell, if science was right then so was Agent Smith in the Matrix when he called humanity a virus, and we're no virus!

Ahem. End of grudgematch. NEXT MONTH..........well I haven't decided yet, but it'll probably be more interesting, and less 'Yeah I know all this' or 'I disagree' or plain 'Li, shut up!' than this one. Or it might not exist. Was fun to write a grudgematch though!

Happy Day

After a joint decision between me and Boote, the 6/10 from this day forward is Happy Day! All shall rejoice and be happy upon this day, and spread the happiness to others! If you've read Boote's blog, you know why. We're celebrating the fact that Trago Mills, the arch enemy of children everywhere, the one place where you were dragged by your parents for all those years to tramp around a boring shop and listen to cheesy music is NO more! It has been destroyed....burnt to the ground by a freak fire. And all their crappy products helped the fire burn, which is fairly ironic! Even better, nobody was hurt so we can enjoy this day without being mean. So....go forth and spread the happiness!




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All for One and One for All

Unfortunatly Boote kinda stole what I was gonna say, but I was gonna say it on a less direct level. Basically, we seem to be forgetting sometimes (especially Baird) that we're part of a group, and that we do look out for each other (all for one as it were) and how each one of us looks out for the group (and one for all). Our set up is pretty good really, although you can twist anything to be depressive.

While I'm speaking of the 'all'....dammit everybody seems to have started blogs! Way to take away from the uniqueness guys! (Imagine eye rolling smiley face here). Ahem. Well, I stole the idea off Cooper so I can't complain.

And to Boote (happy now, you've been directly refrenced)....when did I ever say not having a girlfriend was bothering me :P And don't worry 'bout you're Uni applications, alot of places take two A-levels and two AS's. Just not Exeter.

You Don't Need a Reason to Help People

That quote in the title is from an old computer game, but I couldn't help but think of it today. I normally enjoy psychology and exploring the mind, etc. but today we were looking into WHY people help others, and it was quite a depressing view on things. Basically, the outlook was you NEVER help others unless you get some reward, even if its just self satisifaction, which I found quite depressing. Helping others is just part of our culture, and I'd prefer to leave it unexplained than go into detail. I don't believe you need a reason, as the quote says. First time I've actually felt in psychology I really didn't want something explained, it seems to take away from the overall feeling that there are good human beings as well as self centered ones. Luckily, I can ignore what some experimenter thought 20 years ago.

In other news; Baird's started a blog, and in the great tradition of blogs internet wide, has been moaning in the last one. Since I believe Baird is reading this, I might as well say what I was thinking. He seems to take to heart alot of our jokes (for example, in psychology today we made many jokes on his behalf). Of course, these are just jokes and mean no malice, as well as many other things we said. Quite hilariously, in the common room whenever he walked over he'd be in our conversation, but it wasn't actually anything bad (My belief he should be the guy's band's lead singer!) Yet, maybe he feels we're against him. To me, Baird's just another guy in our group, admitingly he can be annoying, but I'm worse than him. So in conclusion, he really shouldn't feel so bad about himself.

Ahem. Anyway. I still haven't suceeded in signing up to give blood. Somebody make me. There were no leaflets or anything in school meaning I'll have to phone or something, which is slightly less easy to do. I also have failed in one of my aims, I thought if I give blood without making a big thing of it, I could disprove the psychologcal "there is no selfless act" theory. But since then I'd be doing it to disprove the theory, the theory would still stand. Fuck.

Can you have writer's block for a blog?

I don't actually have much to say. Which is unusual because why would I make a blog if I couldn't say much? Anyway, I failed miserably in my blood donation plan because they've removed all the leaflets around the school for reasons unknown. I also talked to Hol today, seems her and Cooper are finally together (apprantly, its assumed) which is a plus. I'm glad to finally see those two happy. Or they should be! Hol also figured out I still fancy Hol (Isn't that confusing....) which is impressive, (well, it's dammed obvious). I'm still considering whether I should tell Hol I still fancy her though, because I don't think she thinks I do anymore. I can't decide. It wouldn't make a difference either way, she's always been cool about it. (And now I'm sure some smart guy/gal will give her the link to this...) And we seriously need to change one of the Holly's names. I'm confused just writing this blog.

I also feel like I'm slacking, I seem to be doing the bare minimum of work right now when I should be working as hard as I can. I need to reform and get on with it! Come on! I can do it!

Ahem. I might start keeping a private journal to, because I don't want to moan out all my problems on here because their so trivial but sometimes I think it might not be healthy to hide them. But I might not, because that would require, you know, effort.

Objectives

Okay, so that title is mis-leading. I only have one. Now, naturally, a car ride to London and back gave me some time to think. One of the things I ended up considering (somehow) was donating blood. I'd considered it before but never really known whether I should because of the time I almost fainted from a blood test! (No I'm not squemish, they just forgot to tell me the 'When you start to feel faint, tell us and we'll switch arm'" bit) which suggests I don't actually have that much blood to donate! But I might try anyway, pick up a form from the school and things. Not sure why, just feels like the kinda thing which isn't that inconvinient to yourself and could help other people. So I might try it.

Or I might not, decided being stabbed in the arm with a needle is unpleasant. But that would be me being a wuss, so I'll try not to.

Royal Holloway-A Review!

Well I got back from Holloway, and am very conflicted. First of all, when we got there, there was this huge fuck off building that looked like it belonged in Final Fantasy 9 or something. Anyway, once we passed that (I'll come back to that later), we went off and parked, and managed to go to the Drama talk straight away. Interestingly, we were in a Japanese theater....I forget what they call it, but it beging with a "H". Apprantly its the only one outside of Japan, cool! The course sounds excellant, the people seemed really friendly and the teachers were the best talkers of I've listened to. So far so good. Anyway, talk finishes and we bog off to look around.

Now, it might sound like I'm exageratting this next bit. I'm not. We went to the Huge Fuck Off Building (HFOB for short). We asked a tour guide (all the students there were fantastically friendly and helpful....and all girls.....) where we can get some information and they told us to go to the picture gallery in the HFOB. So I was thinking, "Picture Gallery? What the hell could that be?". Now, when you walk in, its a room full of fancy art painting....FULL of them on all the walls behind rope like a friggin' musuem. There's a grand piano in the corner and guy playing classical music on it. And a small table with some leaflets on and a place to get Tea and Coffee. A GUY PLAYING A PIANO!!! AT A UNIVERSITY!!!! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING!? Now, I dunno bout most students, but looking at paintings and listening to live classical music isn't what I expected to spend my Uni time doing. It seemed ridiculous. I was actually sniggering at it.

On the plus side, we ran into lots of people like me. Well, like me but female. Guys seem to be a minority here. All the students seemed to admit it was a little overly fancy at the main building, but fine elsewhere. We checked out the accomidation which was much cooler, with bars and a club. And only a walk from the train station into Reading and London and things, which they said was good. What was also good was that there were plenty of jobs on the campus to work while you....work. That's why all the tour guides were simple students like we are, and not rich kids. Because they were getting paid and needed the money. Apprantly there are alot of rich people there, and not the kind of people I feel I'd fit in with. Plus it costs a shit load to live anywhere near London, which I'm going to struggle to afford. But so did all the students I talked to, they said the only bad thing was the cost.

So, in conclusion, the course looked the best I've seen, as did the teachers. The students were the friendliest to. But I just didn't feel like I fitted in. Ironically, I felt like the character in that story I wrote, when he arrives at the overly fancy palace and doesn't fit in at all. I had the same feeling. At Reading, I felt like it was my kind of place, but at Holloway I felt out of place. I kept literally sniggering at the stupid stuff they had around. I'm gonna have to think about this one.

So, the final statistic is:

Royal Holloway is..................
.....
.....
.....
Not worth missing Wetherell's party for!

(No I'm not gonna review Uni's....this was a joke. And so when people ask me what it was like I can direct them to this page).

Off to London...

Well today I'm apprantly off to London. Well Reading to be exact, we're staying in Reading over night then going on to Royal Holloway in the morning. This means I miss Wetherell's party. I'm still annoyed about that, but it's something I'll have to live with. Cooper jokingly said to me today "Don't go to Holloway, come to the party" which is something I never thought I'd hear from him, he normally takes all this UCAS stuff pretty seriously.

So I miss a party. I don't drink much anyway, but it would of been nice to have been there with everyone. I'm sure something good will happen and I'll miss it. Might even be the night Cooper and Holly finally get together. Not that I really need to see that!

Ahem. That's pretty much all I have to say! Better pack some stuff 'coz we're leaving in bout half an hour....

Have fun at the party guys!