The Largest Secret In Hollywood

So, this term, I've been studying film noir, which some of you may know.

What you probably don't know, however, is that in doing so, I have discovered a conspiracy that goes straight to the top!

So, we were hardly suprised when we had to watch a 'classic noir', with the usual phrases like 'one of the most influential films in Hollywood' thrown about and such, completely unaware that we were about to discover that one man has FOUND THE SECRET TO IMMORTALITY!

The film is Double Indemnity, and it stars 'Fred MacMurray', or so it claims...

But, upon closer inspection...

IT'S PIERCE BROSNAN!

Oh, sure, he looks younger. He bloody well should. The year is 1944!

Oh yeah, MAYBE he looks very slightly different, but he obviously had surgery to stop us discovering his secret. Not that it worked. We can see that it's him!

But, wait, according to IMDB, Pierce Brosnan was born in 1953!? How can this be???

Isn't it obvious!?

He is secretely immortal!

And whatever he's been plotting for all these years.... Soon it will be put into action!

Fear the day Pierce Brosnan rises up against us! We must stand and fight! Only we can save our universe from some guy who's an actor!

But wait, you might think. Surely, if Pierce Brosnan was born in 1953 then Fred MacMurray must have been alive then too.

But have YOU ever seen them in the same room at the same time? Because I haven't.

And I think that says it all...